I have a plethora of possibity in front of me. I think the best thing is I'll have Lj to copy it all when it come s along. I have so many choices and things that could actually affect me in very diverse ways. Like, this saving idea, I could easily do it. For I have confidence in myself. And if I did save then for what? I wonder...if school would be best? Maybe goto OwCC and take like 2 or 3 classes. Just simple subjects I could enhance, like a poetry class, where I could learn I'm nowhere. Or a couple of Psych classes. So I could pursue a field of some kind in Psychology like I've always wanted. I've never really had the ability to give it thought and just knowing that I will have a job tomorrow night and the next and the next is a very stable feeling. Very comforting to know that someone will need me to come in at my time and do what I'm supposed to do. Without questions or complexities. I know it wont be simple but it wont be complex, I mean geeze does it always have to be 2 words or something? Its gonna be "simplex".
And then the priest asked me "What the hell have you been smoking?".
I have this running drive within to put every little thing in its place, every fact I come across that must have its simple rememberance. Memory. The only thing that truly grows as a sidewalk. Always fading and cracking, and within those cracks comes the small slips of doubt or embellishment we add over time. We can't escape it can we? The true diversity is this, that this is only the beginning of some much bigger whole.
You see I have this theory of reality.(to place at best)
That as your doing things, the ripples of past effects are rushing back and forth from your thoughts and that with the energy of that thought and its given realm of possibilty, we create that possibility, or sortof allow ourselves to fall into a position where that possibility is most likely or the probable outcome. That (simply) the very thought of any given action or possibility, regarding any given situation, and based upon the context of ones reasoning and feelings towards that thought they inadvertantly effect things around them, so they seemingly fall into the way of thought or possibility or circumstance.
Where Intention can create as much as action. And possibilities are as endless as I am desperate.
I've never really gotten a true chance to talk about myself because, at the very thought I feel conceited, and therefore I'll distract myself with useless facts of the situation. I mean its not that I dont talk about myself, I just feel I never really share myself from my perpsective or way. And I rarely have people listen anyway. Thats why I love Lj. The people who want to read, stop and do.
The one thing I can ever say is that I've only ever tried to speak from my heart. I can say that all the people I've ever known in person have never done that. In fact, I've found a few of them rather heartless.
I feel at this point that most peoples emotions are a movie they choose not to watch but always quote from.
I feel more at peace. I feel very strong and ready.
With the truth at ones side his heart should shine brave and fearless, for all who look upon him will feel the drive of truth and fall helplessly into its blunder.
I hate how colds it gotten. I have to grow more tolerant of the cold, I think. Because I sit in a well heated room alot, and under covers most of the time. I can only wonder if thats why I'm freezing in my house. O fucking well. I'm gonna stay up as late as I can for the remainder of the night, but I just had to post that. Because I felt this desire hit with a need I cant well describe.
I reach towards the sky and covering my hands I bring them to bare for all to see showing a bounty of stars that flutter and glitter about. I open my palms lovingly towards my friends, giving them what I happily can.
Is that simple yet?